


Missed Connection

by kingsofeverything



Series: the butthole series [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Craigslist, Embarrassment, Fluff and Crack, Harry Styles makes an ass of himself, I'm not sorry, In more ways than one, Locker Room, M/M, Missed Connection, No Smut, Tumblr Prompt, just imagine it happening later, lollllllllll, the mature rating is because of language lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21562927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingsofeverything/pseuds/kingsofeverything
Summary: Harry is absolutely clueless when it comes to figuring out if other guys are into him, so he enlists his friend Niall to assist. That may or may not be a mistake.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: the butthole series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1554937
Comments: 43
Kudos: 367





	Missed Connection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [homosociallyyours](https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/gifts).



> Megan istg you send me these Tumblr posts and I can't stop myself. So........ here you go!
> 
> [Here's the Tumblr post](https://brussello.tumblr.com/post/154493178189/ive-been-laughing-at-this-for-6-days) that inspired this -- I mean, I word for word copied the ad lol
> 
> Thanks to Nic @louandhazaf for super speedy betaing and laughing at all the right spots!
> 
> **If you’d like to translate any of my fics, feel free, but please post the translation on ao3.**
> 
>   
> **Please do not post this fic or any of my other fics on any other websites.**  
> 

Harry takes a deep breath and centers himself under the barbell, standing up with it and stepping back. Slowly, he squats down until his hips are just below parallel, then he stands again, making sure his form is perfect. He started lifting in an effort to build his ass and leg muscles, and it’s really beginning to pay off. That section of the gym is a lot less intimidating than he first thought it’d be, with most of the other people doing their own thing, minding their own business, and occasionally asking for a spotter or to work in between each other’s sets. 

The improvements to his body haven’t done a thing to improve his nonexistent dating life. He’s still just as clueless as he was before his bum became the supple, muscled _thing_ that it is today. There was a guy named Andrew in his physics lab last semester who apparently flirted with him during every class and Harry had no idea until Niall — his lab partner and roommate — told him, but by then it was too late. Andrew had moved on and was dating some drama major named Logan. And that’s just one in an embarrassingly long line of missed opportunities due to Harry’s inability to pick up signals. 

So in January, along with his resolution to squat twice his body weight, Harry resolved to interpret all interactions with cute guys as flirting. He’s not stupid enough to act on anything without some sort of confirmation, but that’s why he has Niall. They’re both Physics majors, they live together, and they both work part time in the library. The only time they aren’t together is when they’re at the gym because Niall is in the pool while Harry's in the weight room. 

So far, it’s working; though there have been a few missteps. Harry thought the cashier at the grocery store was asking for his number, but he just wanted to know if Harry had a loyalty discount card. And it turned out that the guy changing the oil in his car was flirting, but he was also at least three times Harry’s age. 

He’s getting better at figuring out when people are into him, he’s just not great at it. 

Which brings him to where he is now. Taking the weights off the barbell and returning them to the proper rack while the super hot guy doing lunges on the other side of the room either stares at him or at himself in the mirror behind him. It’s hard to tell. He’s fairly certain the guy’s eyes are glued to his ass as he bends over to touch his toes and stretch his hamstrings. But he could be wrong. And he’s not willing to risk it. 

Harry wipes down the bar, collects his phone and water bottle, and heads for the showers. He’ll ask Niall’s opinion later. 

One of Harry’s favorite things about the gym is the water pressure and how hot the showers can get. When there are a lot of guys showering at the same time, it’s like a steam room. After a workout, he likes to wash in water as hot as he can stand and then turns the knob all the way to cold when he’s done. 

Under the spray, Harry turns around and sees the hot guy who may or may not have been staring at him just as he steps into the shower stall directly across from Harry. Their eyes meet, and instead of looking away, the guy holds his gaze, and raises one eyebrow. Then he fumbles with the bottle of body wash in his hand, dropping it. Harry’s unable to tear his eyes away when the hot guy bends over, perfect round ass right there in front of him. His legs are spread just enough that Harry can see everything — soft cock plenty big enough that it’s plainly visible even with his balls hanging in the way, the curls of his pubic hair darkened with the water from the shower and sparser along the crack of his ass, his asshole… Wait a minute. 

Harry spins around. Having clearly broken one of the cardinal rules of the locker room, Harry rushes through his shower, hardly drying off before practically jumping into his sweatpants and hurrying out of the locker room while pulling his shirt over his head. He left his conditioner in the shower, but it’s a sacrifice he had to make. Niall never showers at the gym and Harry might start following his example. The whole walk back to his dorm, Harry can’t stop thinking about it. He’s almost positive that guy was… puckering his asshole _at him._ He feels like he’s losing it. He needs to talk to Niall. 

By the time Niall gets back to their dorm, still wet from the pool and smelling of chlorine, Harry’s lost count of the number of times he’s paced the room. 

“H, you’re making me nervous, man. Sit.” Niall points to Harry’s bed and Harry sits, twisting his fingers in his lap. “Okay, so I’ve been swimming in the pool there regularly since freshman year. Granted, I don’t shower in the locker room because I have a _completely rational_ fear of fungus, but I am aware of the gym shower bro code.”

Harry frowns at him, pinching and tugging his lower lip. “Bro code?”

“Communal shower rules.” As if there’s actually a list somewhere and Harry’s just missed it, Niall counts off. “No eye contact while naked. The only appropriate touching is popping towels, fist bumps, and the occasional high five. Squat, don’t bend. And absolutely no going barefoot.”

Blinking slowly as he tries to absorb this information, since he thought the only rule was no overt staring at another guy’s junk, Harry says, “Okay…”

“So this ‘hot guy’,” Niall says, with air quotes as if he questions Harry's ability to judge the gorgeousness of a naked man. “Broke three of these rules in one go.”

“Maybe,” Harry says, dragging out the word. “But maybe he’s just unaware of the rules and also clumsy and has, um… muscle spasms.”

“Asshole muscle spasms?” Niall asks, clearly skeptical.

“I… Okay. I mean, maybe he was coming on to me? But—” Harry snorts and says, “Butt.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “Jesus Christ, Harry. Maybe you’re better off single.” 

_“But,”_ Harry pauses for emphasis because butt jokes are always funny. “How would I even find out? I can’t ask him.”

“True. You can’t search him out at the gym and be like ‘did you pucker your butthole at me?’ because, first of all, what a weird question, and second of all, what if he didn’t?” Niall lays down on his bed, lacing his fingers together on his chest, humming to himself. “Okay, I’ve got it.”

Niall rolls onto his stomach and taps at his phone screen for a few minutes while Harry asks him repeatedly what he’s doing without receiving an answer. He assumes he’s Googling involuntary muscle spasms or locker room etiquette or something like that, so he waits. 

“There we go,” Niall says triumphantly just as Harry’s own phone pings with an email alert. 

“What?” Harry asks while checking his email. The latest one is a confirmation email for an advertisement in the missed connections section of their local Craigslist. Even though he knows he shouldn’t, he opens the email. It contains a link to the ad that Niall apparently posted using Harry’s email address. “How did you do this?”

“Your password is ‘stylish’ on like, every website. Change it.” Niall hops up off his bed and winks — with his eye. “Now, I’m off to shower. Alone. Just me and my non-puckering butthole.”

“Oh my god,” Harry mutters, clicking the link to the ad. Thankfully, he’s already sitting, so instead of falling down on the floor in a heap and crying, he just lays down on his stomach and wonders what he did in a past life to deserve this. 

The ad reads:

**Your butthole puckered at me in the shower - m4m**

**__** _We were in the gym this morning, both working on legs. I got in the shower and when I turned around saw you right across from me. You looked me in the eye, dropped your soap and then bent over right in front of me. Your butthole was puckering. I think you were coming on to me? Maybe I misread the signals. If you were interested then get at me. I’m bad at picking up on hints. I would like to see that puckering butthole up close._

It’s fine. Harry can avoid the gym. He can take up running or maybe parkour, if that’s something people still do. Or biking. Hiking. Rock climbing. Anything that doesn’t require him going back to the gym to possibly run into the hot guy, just in case he happens to see the ad. 

So that’s what he does. Of course, the second Niall returns from the shower, Harry tackles him to the floor, threatening his life if he tells anyone anything about the ad or what happened. But after that, he digs out his sneakers and decides to become a runner. 

— 

The next morning, he awakes to an inbox full of messages from the ad, none of them seemingly from the hot guy, all of them offensive (though possibly not as much as the actual ad). He deletes the ad and his account and changes all of his passwords.

Over the next few weeks, he jogs around campus instead of visiting the gym. It’s okay. He’s faster than he used to be and he can run farther, thanks to his new, stronger muscles. Maybe it’ll grow on him. The spring semester is going well, though he’s struggling a bit in the Computer Science class required for his Physics degree. When Niall suggests they visit the student run tutoring lab together, Harry takes him up on it. He wasn’t aware there existed such a thing.

Harry follows Niall into the tutoring lab. There’s a sign-in sheet on a clipboard hanging on the door, so they stop and fill it out, then weave their way around the closely packed tables where computer science majors sit helping other students with their assignments. At an empty table in the back, they sit down and open their laptops to work while they wait for an available student tutor. 

After a few minutes, Niall taps Harry’s shoulder and says, “Here we go.”

Harry looks up and into the familiar face of the hot guy from the gym. He clearly recognizes Harry too, because he stumbles over his feet and stops, mouth agape and eyes wide. All of the blood in Harry’s body rushes to his face, neck, and chest. He can feel his skin heating at a record pace, even as he fights to keep his stomach from emptying itself onto the table. As fast as he can, he launches himself out of his chair, leaving his phone, laptop, backpack, and Niall behind, stuttering apologies as he runs out of the room. 

On the race across campus to his dorm, Harry thinks it’s rather funny that he’s taken up running just in time for it to be useful. Niall will get his things, he’s not worried about that, but somehow it never occurred to him that he might bump into the hot gym guy somewhere other than the gym. He’s going to have to transfer colleges. Up the stairs and down the hall to his dorm, Harry moves faster than he thought possible. He unlocks their dorm and slams the door, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. Never in his life has he been so embarrassed. And with the humiliation and then the running, he’s hot and sweaty, so he throws his hoodie and t-shirt into the corner, kicking off his sweatpants and dropping onto his bed in his briefs. 

— 

Without his phone or laptop, he can’t message Niall to bring him some food, and it’s been hours since he left the tutoring lab. He’s just about ready to head down to the cafeteria dining hall — the one that everyone avoids — when there’s a knock on the door and Harry remembers that Niall probably doesn’t have his keys. 

He drags himself across the room and turns the knob just enough to open the door, then falls back down on his bed on his back, ready to whine the second Niall closes the door. 

“Hello? Harry?” Comes a quiet, raspy voice from the doorway. 

Harry opens his eyes and immediately shuts them again. “This is not happening.”

“Oh, um… Okay. Sorry,” hot gym guy says and starts to close the door. 

“Wait!” Harry shouts, sitting up and covering himself with the blanket. 

“Yeah?” Hot gym guy steps into the room, and at Harry’s nod, closes the door behind him. 

Might as well get it all out in the open. Harry takes a deep breath, and says, “I’m so so sorry! I know you didn’t mean anything by, uh… it. And you should be aware that I didn’t make that missed connections ad, that was my roommate Niall. Because, as you can clearly see, I’m an idiot about, like flirting and picking up hints and I never know when someone’s into me. But I’m also an idiot about a lot of things and I know that like, looking at your—” Harry's eyes go wide as he slaps his hand over his mouth. He coughs and continues, “Looking at _you_ like _that_ while in the gym showers was crossing all kinds of lines and I’m just incredibly sorry and I’m going to actually see about transferring to a different college, ’cause like, I can’t be here anymore and see you on campus and like—”

“Harry!” Hot gym guy yells and Harry shuts up. “Hi. I’m Louis and I’m just as much of an idiot as you because I kept staring at you while you were squatting and then I saw you going to the locker room and like, followed you, and then made eye contact with you in the shower, which is like, breaking gym bro code number one, and then I bent over, which breaks number three, I think? And I swear it wasn’t on purpose, but I realized what I was doing after I was already bent over in the shower and like, my muscles all spasmed and you ran out and I thought, well, that’s that, but then my roommate Zayn showed me a screenshot of some missed connection ad that he was laughing at and I just knew it was you about me and then you didn’t come back to the gym and I—”

“Louis!” Harry shouts over him and Louis shuts up. “You were watching me?” Louis nods. “You looked for me even though I — I mean, Niall — put that ad up?” Louis nods again. “Were you… I’m just going to ask. Are you like, into me?” 

“Yeah,” Louis says. “Are you, um… into me?”

“Yeah.” Harry grins. There’s always the possibility that he knocked himself out on his way out of the tutoring lab, and is hallucinating all of this, but… “Did you want to like, go out? On a date? Maybe dinner right now?” 

Louis sits on the edge of Harry’s bed and says, “I’d love to. But, um… The ad said—”

“The ad said a lot of shit, Niall wrote it. I’m really sorry.”

“I mean, it’s not like I’m identifiable from it, but, um…” Louis scrunches his nose and asks, “So you don’t want to see my puckering butthole up close?” 

“Oh my god,” Harry whispers, falling onto his back and covering his face with his pillow. Perhaps it will smother him. He forgot about that part of the ad. 

Louis loudly clears his throat and says, “I’m not saying you have to rim me right now, but I thought I’d make sure.”

Tossing the pillow to the floor, Harry says, “You really are as awful at this as I am.”

“Maybe.” Louis shrugs. 

Harry studies him for a moment. He really is gorgeous. Clear blue eyes with little crinkles at the corners when he smiles, the cutest nose Harry's ever seen, pink lips, his cheekbones, and that body… “Yes! I want to rim you!”

“Now?” Louis asks, voice a little squeaky. 

“I mean, if it’s okay, I’d like to have dinner first. And like, talk a bit. Maybe kiss you? Then after, yeah.” 

“You should put some clothes on then,” Louis says, and Harry remembers he’s sitting there in his underwear. 

“Never rimmed anyone on the first date,” Harry says, grabbing his clothes from the floor. 

Louis wiggles his eyebrows and says, “Never been rimmed on the first date.”

“Actually, um…” Harry pauses to gather himself together. Figuring that honesty is the best policy, he admits, “I’ve actually never rimmed anyone before, so… I mean, I definitely want to. I just don’t want you to think—”

“Hey, um…” Louis reaches for Harry's hand and squeezes it. “Same. Like both ways. We can talk over dinner?” 

“Yeah.” Harry nods and slips on his shoes, grabbing his keys and remembering that he doesn’t have his phone. “Oh, shit. My phone.”

“Niall gave it to me to give to you. Here,” Louis says and pulls Harry’s phone from his pocket. “He also said he’s got your bag and laptop and he’ll drop them off, but that he’s staying with Liam tonight.” 

“Oh?” 

Louis nods and says, “He seemed pretty confident that things would work out.”

“Did he say that?” Harry asks, biting his lip and wondering what else Niall might’ve said. 

“Mmhmm. That and some other stuff. I’ll tell you everything. Promise,” Louis says, dragging Harry out the door. “Like he lectured me on the prevalence of fungal infections in locker room settings.” 

“Oh, no,” Harry covers his face with his hands, but Louis pulls them away and links their fingers together, talking all the way to the dining hall. 

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS FOR READING!  
> [Tumblr post for reblogging!](https://kingsofeverything.tumblr.com/post/189296053040/missed-connection-by-kingsofeverything-harry-is)
> 
> [Tweet for retweeting!](https://twitter.com/kingsofthings/status/1199065526384898049?s=20)  
> 


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